As I alluded to yesterday, early August is the hockey journalism equivalent of being stranded on a deserted island with no water, no shelter, and Janice from “FRIENDS” as your only companion. It’s boring. It’s torturous. There’s practically nothing going on of note. Thus, writers will reach for stories that probably wouldn’t make the cut at any other time. That’s understandable.
This – I don’t even know what to call it. An “anecdote”? A “blurb”? A “novella”? – from the New York Post about Ron Duguay really goes above in beyond in being irrelevant and a waste of time. Let’s start with the title:
“Ron Duguay’s Good Looks Got Him Banned From MSG”
Well alright. Maybe not “hard news” but I could see why this could be an interesting story. Henrik Lundqvist probably read the title and broke out in a heavy sweat. Let’s read into this.
“Is Ron Duguay too sexy for the VIP suite at MSG? Our spies suggest that so many women were swooning over the tanned hockey analyst — who was hanging at the suite during playoffs — that he got banned.”
*GASP* SUPER SCANDALOUS GUYS! This seems rather unfair, seeing that I’m sure there’s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. But WHO would do such a thing to Duguay?
“One source thinks MSG boss James Dolan, who likes to be the most popular guy in town, was jealous of Duguay’s animal magnetism and hip-checked him into another venue.”
Aha! Yes, Jim Dolan must protect his territory. He can’t have these dark-skinned former athletes invading his space and distracting his women. Somewhere, a senile Donald Sterling is cheering Dolan on while trying to remember what decade it is.
“An insider explains that the suite simply got too full during the playoffs and Duguay and his entourage were asked to decamp elsewhere.
“’Jim gets a kick out of Ron,” says an insider. “This is not even close.’”
Oh. So basically everything previously mentioned was not true. This is more or less what is called “burying the lede.” I guess that “Ron Duguay Sent From Busy Suite to Less Crowded Area of MSG” doesn’t make for a good story. So let’s mix in some manufactured drama and then give the mundane truth at the end! In my mind, this story was originally pitched to Larry Brooks, who immediately pulled a Ron Swanson and demanded a vacation just for having read such a dumb concept.
Hockey season can’t come soon enough.
(H/T Sean Leahy)
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